Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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