But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
