There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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