if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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