chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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