Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
