Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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