Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
