can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The struggles of a small town man whore
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
