Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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