One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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