Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
