My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
