Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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