Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
