You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
