had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
