you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
