Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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