I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
