Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
