You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
