she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
