Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
