I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
