I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
