Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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