Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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