he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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