WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
