ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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