hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
