All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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