I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
