i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
