my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
