I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
