I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
