i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
