i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
