Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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