I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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