Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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