WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
