Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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