somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
