Umm I'm too high to move.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize