I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
