Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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