Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
