Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
