went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
