fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
