she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize