I didn't shave. On purpose
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
