toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize