Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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