we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
