whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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