he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
