My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
