we have pet lesbian snakes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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