i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
