He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
