is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize