i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
