Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
