I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
